just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
