You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
