i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
