hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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