wakey wakey hands off snakey
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize