I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
