Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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