I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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