I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Less talking, more tequila
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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