Don't you send me to vm
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just pee around me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
