If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
