Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
