is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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