I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
