you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
