Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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