If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
