Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
