I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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