roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
