wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize