I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
