she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
