Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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