Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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