She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
