you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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