normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
