I only kidnapped one of them. chill
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
