Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We left an ass print on the piano.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
