The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize