letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
