I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
