I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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