she smelled like a LAN party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
