Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
