who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
