he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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