I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
