none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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