Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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