so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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