she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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