Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
