i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize