so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
