You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
