i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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