I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
