well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm getting married
To pizza
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
