ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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