I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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