i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
