it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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