We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
