Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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