Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
