Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
