Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
