I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize