we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need a beard to bite.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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