You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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