I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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