I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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