Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
