Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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