: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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