She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm too high and old for this...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
