Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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