we have officially lost it.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize