Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
